Finishing the project back in kerala

we indulged into fully fledge talks after that. she was still going to college. it was her final year. and i was back in Irinjalakuda completing my project on time. my stint with them was turning out to be a good experience for me. it were just some days left for the project time frame to get over. and i was hurrying for it. in between i got a job offer from MUV tech in chennai and i was very glad that i could go there directly and get on with the job which they had promised in August.

it was amazing to be in the feeling of love. i can still remember that i was in uncle's place when this proposal thing happened. my cousins were with me. all they could see was that i was sitting late at night and was msg-ing snu about how we could talk after this. and also the wonderful feeling that was there in us. my cousins were curious to know who this person was with whom i was chatting on the phone. i told them about snu. they were teasing me. they were just school kids.. but were quiet jolly to be indulging in these things :)

i spent the rest of the 2 days with my uncle and cousins and went back to irinjalakuda to finish my project. it was amazing feeling indeed. now i was again free to talk to snu anytime i wanted :) when i reached, it was evening. i told about my trip about international film festival to the concerned people in the orphanage. they were also happy that i could meet my relatives and spend some time with them.

even when we were not committed to a long term relationship, we always had sweetheart as names along with our msgs. as friends we never felt that some words could be used only among
lovers. but we were so free to use them. that we never felt we were lovers. anyway we were best friends :) but during out phone calls we never used that word .. or even darling... we even had used "love yous" in our sms lot of times. it was kind of friendly affection and love.

so i remember the first call that i made her after i reached the project place. it was evening and she was returning in her college bus back home from her engineering college. the very salutation when she lifted the phone was "hi darling"..!! i heard, how much emotion she had put into that.

our sms continued. i used to even right now all the smses that she had ever sent :) it was a craze. i used to write it down so small that i could fit into sheets of papers. easily without wasting many papers over there. with small small letters in running hand. those papers are still there somewhere at home. i think brought with me. its with me somewhere inside the luggage :) after 4 yrs when i was reading it in 2010, it made a feel the great friendship we ever had developed.

So it happened that i finished the animation and i was waiting for compilation of the film in terms of putting all shots together and also mixing sound with it. the trip to Chennai made me meet the director of MUV. She had been telling me to wait for the time when they would be ready to intake me for a job. i thought, its best to go to Chennai and look for a job along with completing the project. thats y the first thing i did was to book a ticket to chennai to go there :)

and i told her that i would be coming straightaway to chennai and be there n look for something substantial to continue my project and probably a job as well to settle in that city. so there i was... straight to chennai :) from irinjalakuda.

The Proposal!

i went back to Mumbai after the short trip of 2 days in Chennai. i stayed with Shilpa, one of the aquantances in NID where i studied. she had one more friend and also 2 guys who stayed in the flat in anna nagar.

it was with Shilpa only that i was dropped to the Anand theatre for the international film festival
that happened those times. it was good to be in a known company in an alien place. and her office was also nearby which even helped becos she could go to her office anytime after spending some time in the Anand theatre with me.

Though i was the one who left her on the 2nd day in the theatre to go n meet snu on the second day outside. anyway those memories stayed fresh in my mind when i reached mumbai. i was again back to the place where i had a bit of mental torture from my cousin sister. anyway i had to adjust somehow becos i was excited that i would soon get a project in Chennai to work for and i would be closer to snu.

time passed by... it was august and i could finalise my dip project place to be in Irinjalakuda in Kerala. it was a surprise but also good thing for me becos i was visiting kerala after so many years. i thought it was a good opportunity to go and live there for some months and also do the project peacefully.

by mid-September 2005 i was there. i was constantly in touch with snu thru sms. because we could use a free sms service which was offered thru reliance. we could always send unlimited sms to each other even if it was STD. she continued sending me the forwarded smses and gradually we shifted towards sending personal smses. it was friendly in nature.
we started shedding our inhibitions. started discussion about naughty things via the sms. she had actually cleared some of her doubts through those discussions. she became all the more closer and had lot of possessive nature towards me.

once on a daytime i and snu did a 3-way conference chat with my other chat friend. she was trying to see whether snu was liking me or loving me. thru that discussion atleast i was sure that snu was having a great deal of affection towards me. we had some confused talks on phone. becos even i was not sure whether i would have snu was my girlfriend or not. becos it was kind of out of question for me for marrying her. so i kept denying it in my mind. But somehow my heart wouldnt agree.

so here came October, when i went for another international film festival in Kochi. our one minute film was selected there for screening and i thought it would be a great time for me to meet my relatives in kottayam. So i was in Kochi for one day. That day i attended the screening and was getting bored as there was no one accompanying me thru the journey. i watched some movies in the hall and came out during lunch time. i started calling snu and started chit-chatting with her on phone.

She asked me a question, "now listen carefully and answer me seriously, would u like to have a long term relationship with me? what do u think about it?" i couldnt answer properly. so i asked the question back to her. "what if my answer is 'yes'?"... she said smiling...and happy... "then my answer also would be 'yes' "...
then i asked, "what if my answer is 'no' ?"... she said in a neutral voice.. "then my answer also would be no... " now she thought i was not being serious and was playing around. she said, "oh ho.. say it properly".... i couldnt... then she said, "ok wait for the call in the evening", i would call later"... i said "ok"... we kept the phone!

after that i took lunch in a restaurant and went to the bus station and caught a bus to Kottayam and took a 4 hours journey to Kottayam down south. it was quiet long and tiring journey.

my uncle had come to pick me up. when we were near home, snu had called up. so i called back. she asked me to talk to her sister. i was talking to her for the first time. so i was kind of hesitant. But she directly started questioning me. whether what i have in mind when i think about snu or what do i think about her? i told her that i love her and like her very much. she wanted to here those word from me. then it was confirmed that a relationship had been established and she said u gotto give me a treat for this.
..
well thats how it happened. the first week of October! thats how we proposed! thats how we became lovers from being best friends and friends for about an year. it was all joy and bubbling in my heart that night. couldnt wait to talk to snu after this. she sent me an sms that its one of the happiest days of her life.

From good friends to best friends!

i was writing this two years back but never published it. thought i had found the time just now in the room of this flat in mauritius where there is silence and lot of time for me to put forward my memories.

its been more than 2 years since i reopened this and writing the subject matter.

After the firt meeting in ANAND theatre and spencers mall, she had felt happy to meet me personally. thats why she came the next day to meet me at the same place. i too felt happy to meet a girl who was very decent and well mannered and seemed to come from a very cultured family. i did not knew how exactly girls of the brahmin families are but i got a glimpse that they are soft spoken and very cultured:)

i went back to mumbai after a stay for 2 days in chennai and continued with my stay with my cousin sister and her husband till the time i was getting a project. i had contacted a company when i went to chennai. they tld me that once they finalise, they would call me for the Dip project which made me happy. But then i was also looking for some opportunity in mumbai which made me stick to that place.

i was luckily at home by the time the great deluge of July 26 came in mumbai. i came home in the afternoon itself when the rain had actually started so i was not stuck anywhere. and i can say i was lucky enough to survive becos had i stayed out, i would have been taken away by the waters and could have been flushed in the sea thru some open manhole! i didnt know even to swim!

all this while i was was continuously in touch with sneha for a long time. i was constantly smsing her and she was constantly smsing me back every now and then. that made us closer. also the fact that i was not treated properly by my cousin sister family also made me bend towards sneha for her love and care. i knew that she genuinely cares for me thru sms and the way she used to talk when i used to call her often from the STD booths.

in between we used to tease each other and pull each other's legs. for instance when i got an opportunity to go the the studio of POGO i told her that i met and anjali and liked her very much. she didnt like it much was quiet feeling possessive about me. she later sent me sms that she is happy that i got a girl in my life (which was actually a joke by me). when i called her after the office she said that she actually cried becos of the fact that i talked about anjali. i said i was just pulling her leg. But she let me feel as if she was possessive about me and wouldnt like any girl talking to me.

then there were other instances when i pulled her leg too much and she cried saying never to ay such things to her or not to pull her leg too much so that she cries. one day i even went and called her from an STD booth and started crying just becos i had broken her heart and said lot of unwanted things like i dont like her and dont want a friend like her in my life.. etc etc. So i apologised and asked sorry for all that. That was the first time i was crying on phone. and that too by talking to a girl. she said shame-shame. and said that people must be watching me and a boy cry. well i had no problem in crying in front of a girl. so i cried :)

when i looked back i saw a queue(line).. where people were standing behind me outside the STD booth to call:) i thot i made them wait for too long :) this was exactly 2 months since we met and we had become best friends. we used to share everything. our sorrows, laughter, joy and excitements.i knew i had found a true friend after too long in my life.

First Meeting !

yeah! its been almost one whole year wince i published my last post in this blog :)

This has really been one of the sensational ever romantic stories that can be ever written in history. As i already gave an idea during my last writing about how i met an unseen girl(friend) for the first time in my life, it surely was going to go further than merely meeting at Chennai.

after the first meeting as it was planned proved to be a success. she was right on time. i wonder girls have a nagging phenomenon of making their guy friends wait to get some priority about their life and time. But in this case it was totally different. Snu not only respected me but my time also :) I had come alone for the first day as i was staying alone in the hotel Himalaya bcos i didnt get any contacts for chennai.

i looked myself in the mirror to find out if i was looking alright since i had to physically look better too, just like i looked in the pic which i sent to her:) i wore an orange t-shirt and blue jeans with the recently bought blue and black bag to compliment the look.

i first travelled to adyar bcos i thot the registeration would happen there. Those stupid people were not giving any travel expenses or an accomodation and they didnt even have a proper address. I had to go in Adyar and had to search for their office. Its becos their earlier office had recently shut down and was shifter in the nearby street. It took a while to find their new offfice which they hadnt even mention in the address on their site ..and their phones were also not working!!! phew!!! :|

I guessed everything was not happening according to how they mentioned in their site so by trial and error i travelled back to Anand theatre to see the screenings as i guessed that the registration would be done there. And my guess was right! So i got in and saw 'newspapar boy' an acclaimed bengali movie about the street children who do vending.

This was the time when Snu came. i went out by seeing the sms and saw a look-alike girl sitting on one of the chairs in the reception. then i somehow realised that she didnt notice me. so i guessed that it wasnt her. so i turned and moved out of the reception. i wondered what was wrong. and i didnt see her. Its cos she was hiding behind a wall towards the corner of the shop towards my left.

And then she pulled my leg when she saw me and i saw her.. and i went and shook her hand. and then i asked her to join me towards the screenig hall. i was meeting an unseen girl for the first time so i didnt know what i had to do exactly ;):)

We had lunch. she didnt eat much as she had breakfast cum lunch kinda funny meal. So she took me to spencer's plaza. Its one of the shopping malls in which almost half of chennai piles on during weekends for shopping. It was indeed a good place that Snu choose. it was nearby and we went in auto. It was all AC inside and so it was good to be a cool atmosphere.

So we roamed around while talking and found each other quiet a match in terms of our nature. it was great to have her around. i felt comfortable:) which was a healthy sign. I was just being what she had an idea about me during process of sms and phone calls and mails. then we decided to sit at one place. and we chose java green as it was near. and sat there and talked and talked for a long time. this was the first time when i am talking to a girl for so long by sitting near her. we laughed and smiled. And she liked my smile :) i liked the way she was listening to me.

later on PrateekGT called me and asked me where i am. and conincidently he was in spencer too. Now i began to plan as to what i would say to Prateek about Snu. So in the middle Snu noticed the way i was looking at her. She felt something and till this date she tells me that she wont forget that look which had something in it! a gaze which would connect both of ur spiritually.

along with Prateek came shivani and we talked for a time and then they left. while leaving i gave Snu a friendly hug which she felt good. and the night was restless as i travelled to anna nagar to prateek's residence and then stayed there for the rest of the days. and i had sleepless night caused due to the memories of the first meet and wanted to meet her again.

And she came to meet me again the other day!! :)

some uncertaintity is surey involved !

Guess where am i? not in Mumbai.. but in Ahmedabad.. came here to complete my animation and fulfilling the Administration's formalities by getting ready to make the documentation for my project. But am i happy?
No...

why am i saying that? what made me unhappy? Am i really sad? i have no answer .. as of now.. you would read below and find out whats my true state:-

I guess life was never harder for me than these days.. what i am talking here is of me getting involved in a relationship where its a do or die situation now! i would clear that below..this is not too far away.

It was just about an year and a half time ago when i made this unusual friendship with a girl who inturn responded to my profile n friend request, thinking that i might be a nice guy! Well, im not denying that fact ;) But see.. how i then took it forward was entirely dependent on me. When she gave me her email ID, so i sent a mai with my slight intro. i didnt get a response for few days and i also didnt send another mail or something but one fine day, her reply came with a slight intro!! i then assumed the girl to be a trustworthy, gave her my number so that she could call me when she would get a new mobile(as she told me earlier)!

After some series of mails, she finally got her mobile and then in response of her msgs thru it.. i straight away went on an attitude of calling her up:) i guess thats quiet impressive for a girl coz she would think that i'm not playing a fool with her and is not hesitant to talk to a girl too. So i had a slight nervous initial conversation where the girl was confident. I didnt find her to be that attractiv and all but i got a feeling that there was someone who cared about friendship :)

initially i used to call her according to a fixed time slot that she had given.. but later on i started calling her any times as she also didnt feel any uncomfortable at home. so thats how a healthy sms friend became a true friend.

But around December- February i almost forgot her coz of a girl from mumbai. we met online and then grew very close faster. In one month we became too attached to each other. I thought this was a beginning of a relationship which i awaited long enough. O man! this girl was awesome. the way she spoke n her presence of mind n humour sensibility was damn good. i fell in love with that :) we then constantly were in touch. She was the one who used to call me from her landline and then talk to me for half an hour or so. (At those times that was too long a time for me.. ;) but it used to pass by, too quickly)

we used to Chat on messenger daily.. may be two times a day.. in after noon and in the evenin sometimes.. But the every nite schedule was fixed. She used to come online at 11 coz her parents used to sleep. and then used to chat with me for some 1 hour or so. sometimes if the conversation is interesting then it went on even til 3.30-4.00 am or so. Then i also used to call her about every other alternate day or so and asked her how she is doing and stuff:) Anyway this didnt go too further as i became a bit busy and her exams were also nearing.

So i felt she slowly began to drift away from me. her father had blocked the landline so she couldnt call me. then she was seen as somebody who was not that interested to talk to me. most of the times i have fought with her coz of that. Even on phone. then i used to make up also. becoz i feel i became too posessive about her. but she then started disconnecting my calls. and i used to become too depressed by her attitude. i thot i missed one more gal in my life :(

So thats how it was.. i lost touch with mumbai chat gal and then begin to see life anew.. it was in May that i again went to Mumbai for my project search and i came in contact with chat gal again. we talked for few days. i even gave a landline number but she didnt call back. then i wanted to meet her but she made excuses and backed off. i was very disappointed and then i finally ended up all conversations with her. i came to Ahmedabad and tried calling sms friend as her mobile was also call barred since months or so.

And then i constantly used to get her sms. i didnt really giv replys but still maintained a touch with her. anyway once she unexpected called too. because she generally didnt use to call me. that made me happy. Well.. there is one more factor which brought this gal closer is that sround last week of may i was unwell.. and this was the only gal i felt was caring enough for me. When i use to call me she use to ask how my health was all. So that made me closer :)

Then i went home.. and we constantly started chatting on phone. i used to call her sometimes when she wasnt well and still had to go for training. All that brought her also closer to me. And then i went to Mumbai again in mid-June 2005. And she went to Bangalore and wasnt in touch with me for 10 days. i stayed with my cousin sis and her husby. they were happy to see me and i too was seeing them for the first time in my life.

Well life went on.. a usual daily process of calling people and going to places to show my portffolio. then i finally got a chance to meet her. o god! this is unbelievable.. it was because oe of our films that we made made it to the Chennai 1 minute Ability competition. And i thought this can be the opprtunity for me to meet her. She also felt that and began pleading through sms that i should go there and meet her. Because anyway she wanted to meet her "lucky and caring friend".

So thats how i reached in Chennai for the first time. I mean i did go there.. but only roamed around in the station and its outskirts with my dad some 16 years ago.. so i eventually was out of any kinda memory that i could have stored in my brain. second major problem was going to be language. i didnt know how to read and understand tamil :( but you know. its unbelievable how this gal helped me to get to the nearby hotel to Anand theatre. O man! it was only because of her that i didnt get lost in Chennai on my first arrival. because i had no contacts there, i thought life would have been hell.

Anyway, that was how it was.. through sms only i contacted her and found out a hotel himalaya which was closer to Anna Salai (mount road). and when i reached there it was night. anyway.. wen i reached adyar, time was already over for me to report and so thats how time was eaten up in the middle. Anyway, i thanked God that i was safe :) and i just ordered a biryani frmo the beelboy and thought of the meeting with my unseen friend "Snu".